Wisecrackin'
by deviousprincess
Summary: Two willing thieves with big intentions.


A/N: Pretty much a oneshot about my two favorite characters.

Disclaimer: I don't own, m'kay?

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><p>"By God, what do you two think you're DOING?"<p>

The voice broke Two-Bit and Dallas out of their ephemeral confidence and glory. They thought they'd done it. Stolen that golden chain only Socies had, no prob. No good.

They had tried to act casual, hide all furtiveness. But Two-Bit had sneezed last minute and attracted the attention of the manager.

"Nice one, slick!" The only thing slick about Two-Bit was his hair.

"I'm sorry!" Two-Bit wiped his germy hand on the glass door before taking off out of the store with Dally. They had both just instinctively ran. Like two little girls running from a cockroach. The only difference was, they were two armed thieves runnin' from the police force.

"What do we do?" Two-Bit yelled at Dally beside him, his pace inevitably lagging.

Dally craned his neck to look back. "Run faster, boy!"

Wondering if running with a sharpened knife would kill you, Two-Bit almost tripped over his thoughts. He barely caught himself. Gotta be more careful. Looking back, he noticed they were mighty close. If they stopped now, they'd only be charged with robbery and resisting arrest. He knew Dally would never go for that. Go big or go home.

They were almost stupid enough to stop behind a dumpster, which would result in cornering themselves automatically. The Curtis residence wasn't close enough. Maybe they would've had a chance there. Why had they chosen to rob such an upper-class store? Now that he looked back, it was pretty foolish. Hoods were watched from a mile around. But hey, they'd had big plans for that chain.

It wasn't long before the I-don't-have-anything-better-to-do cops showed up at the scene and cuffed'em.

It was the first time Two-Bit was arrested. Wow, what a long time ago. But it wasn't like he hadn't had close encounters with the law before. Definitely not a good start to his professional rep as a thief.

"Dang, Dally, this sure sucks," Two-Bit watched his language around the cops. When they nabbed the chain from them, he heard Dallas hiss.

"You shoulda ran faster, buddy," Dallas said in a luxurious voice, hitting Two-Bit as best as he could while cuffed.

"Not my blade," Two-Bit whimpered, watching the love of his life being taken away before his very eyes. And it sure wasn't Kathy.

"Don't be such a wuss."

As they finished searching them for weapons, they hauled them into the back of their car.

"Pimped out ride 'ya got here," Dallas spit on the floorboard without the cop noticing.

Two-Bit didn't find it hard to join in. "Real nice! Sure hope I don't get sick all over it. How many bottles of beers on the wall we had?" His attempt to sound drunk was a failure.

The officer slowed down at the thought they might be drunk, but knew it wasn't true if they could run that fast. "You two boys can remain silent 'ya know. Make my job easier." It wasn't unusual to pick up a few greasers each and every day. Why couldn't they be more like those nice kids on the west side? Stay outta trouble. It wasn't that hard.

Two-Bit leaned back in the seat and hummed annoyingly.

Dallas leaned back and kicked the cage separating the officer and the criminals. Their reputations' were so low already, it didn't matter what they did.

They pulled in to the coolerhouse. Two-Bit was a little scared by the thought, but he knew it was okay as long as he was with Dallas.

Three or four cops had to lead them into the building. Jeezus, what did they think they were? Masked murderers?

"All right, boys," Another officer sighed, acting as if he'd done this a million times before. Eh, it wasn't unlikely. "We're gonna ask you a few questions. Interrogate, if you may," He mumured. He was careful not to use big words with them.

"Could you un-cuff us first? These things are so freakin' uncomfortable!" Two-Bit whined.

The officers groaned at him in response and uncuffed them both. Two of them guarded the door while two others sat across from them, looking like exhaused but no-fun detectives. Geez, what could they do to escape? They took their weapons.

"We'll start with names," The detective-cop-policeman pulled out a notepad.

Dally and Two-Bit exchanged mischievous glances.

"Why, my name, is Francisco Everhart," Two-Bit spoke first, rather proudly. "I was named after my father!"

Dallas smirked. He knew he'd better make this good. He strongly thought about saying his name was Darrel/Sodapop Curtis, or Steve Randle. Glory. That would be priceless.

"My name is Adrian Shae Shawn!" Dallas barely got the words out, not paying attention to what his initials spelled out.

The officers looked dumbfounded. "Uh, okay." They seemingly wrote that down.

"Now, Francisco, Adrian," They looked from one to another. "Why did you rob that store?"

Two-Bit didn't know how he'd kept his straight face just then. He puffed out his cheeks. "Psh, I'll answer that when you give me my blade back."

They glared at Two-Bit until he felt uncomfortable. He knew they were waiting for Dally's answer.

It was so obvious _why_. Why not? "Oh, shoot, coppers. Give us a break. We were just on our way home from church. We didn't mean no harm," He said in a dulcet tone.

"Don't tell lies, Adrian," The police said, and Two-Bit almost busted out laughin'.

"Just admit it," The cop sighed. "You robbed the store for kicks. You're a buncha dirty teenagers who don't have a thing better to do. Tell the truth and maybe we'll have some respect for you." Big lie. He could never respect no-good-hoods.

Two-Bit and Dally looked at each other. Neither of them had specific occupations, and they truthfully weren't planning on it.

No way were they gettin' it out of them that easily. Just maybe they'd own up to it. But what good would that do to their reputations when they were already tattered?

"Hey pal," Dally tugged on the sleeve of one the cops. They were usually bugged by delinquents; it's what they expected. "Could we have a beer? Or at least a cigarette? Pleasee?"

The cop shrugged him off and remained reticent.

"C'mon, buddy. You on mute or sumthin'?"

Two-Bit had to clutch his knees to keep from standing. "A beer sounds nice." Get all fired up and not remember any of this in the morning. Just onto his permanent record it goes, and forget about it.

The police discussed privately about phone calls. One each they decided. It's what they usually decided for kids like them. Dally went first.

"Who should I call?" He asked Two-Bit.

Two-Bit stifled a smart remark and shrugged. "Darry!"

Dally nodded and punched in the number. "Hey Dar-Har! Uh. So, uhm.." Dally fiddled with the phone cord. "Could you maybe... Come get me and Francisco? Yeah, yeah.. We're fine..." He was quiet. "... in the cooler."

Darry must've been completely ticked, because Dallas held the phone away from his ear. He also wondered who the hell Francisco was, but Dallas just said he'd explain later.

Dallas hung up with satisfaction and handed the phone to Two-Bit.

Two-Bit must've called the Curtis household twice, because he cracked up and said he 'just needed someone to talk to' and that he was 'lonely'.

"We got our bail on, fuzzers," Dallas leaned over the counter, quickly spotting Two-Bit's sharpened knife.

They didn't know why, but the senseless cops made them wait in the filthy cell.

"I wish I knew how to play harmonica," Two-Bit announced, sliding his knuckles up and down the metal bars.

Too bad they were alone in the cell.

Dallas tried countless times to get the cops to unlock the cell, but finally he figured he'd better stay quiet unless he wanted to get charged more and listen to Darry's loud mouth.

So much for that. Two-Bit threw himself against the bars, faking a break-down. "Pleaseee, officers! Please! Just let us off with a warning! I have a cleaannn record!" He rolled around on the floor, cracking up like a nut.

The cop blinked. "You don't even need beer."

Dally laughed at him. He was taking his first time well.

"Bloody-," Darry looked away from them as he walked in. "Problem, officers?" It's not like he hadn't done this before for Dally. Maybe they were drunk and were just performing 'disorderly conduct'.

Ponyboy stared at them behind bars. "You guys okay?" It was only a matter of time...

"Pony! Thank goodness it's you!" Two-Bit somehow fit his arms through the bars and ran his hands all over Ponyboy's head and face, getting grease everywhere.

"These two were caught robbing a store," The officer said with no surprise. "a gold chain. Big offense." He knew Darry must've been one, too, even if he didn't look like one.

"Listen," Darry ran his hand through his hair.

"WE'RE SORRY, WE'RE SORRY!" Two-Bit yelled maniacally.

Dally tried his best to look innocent, knowing he'd see them again soon anyway.

The officer looked at them skeptically. He was a little afraid to do background research on them. Neither had IDs, and they were probably lying with everything they had. It wouldn't be a shock to him if they did the exact same thing the very next day. "Take them." He unlocked the cage, causing Two-Bit to stumble.

Dally was surprised. Why didn't they usually let him off that easy?

Before they left, Dally snatched Two-Bit's blade without the lazy cop noticing while Two-Bit looked the officer straight in the eye and said '_**I love you**_'.

They both knew what was coming on the ride home.

But what did they care? They were just two careless, thieving greasers who let their untoward behavior get the best of them.

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><p>AN: I had a lot more fun than I thought writing this. Tell me what you thought. :)


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